The Hot Seat of Singleness

It happened.

That moment where you find yourself at a holiday gathering, centered in the midst of family, with that one, very persistent, slightly bothersome member who is ever so curious on why your still single.


I wish I could say that I openly shared all the biblical, spiritual and just personal reasons on why I refuse to take matters into my hands and approach a guy about his shoes, just to get a conversation flowing and a potential relationship going. But I didn’t. Instead, I sat, sitting awkwardly in a booth of an El Torito restaurant, sandwiched between my mother and aunt, while my cousin sat across from me postured firmly on a soap box as she gave her sermon on all the ways to get a guy.

As she talked, I smiled. Provided a few chuckles and nodded my head in slight agreement. That was until she mention using the club as a primary place to find a suitor. To which I wanted to reply, “Hello, I’m Whitney – It’s clear we haven’t met before”. But I didn’t. Instead, I sat, sitting awkwardly, trapped between two family members, nodding and smiling in pure entertainment. For the next 20 minutes, the conversation went back and forth over how to meet a guy at work and how to meet a guy at the club, how she would happily give me a makeover and how she would help me get ready for a date until it finally died down and drifted to another subject. Thank you, Jesus.

Later, after leaving the restaurant with my mom, I began to feel some regret in not completely expressing my truth on the matter. Because the truth is, simply getting a guy is not my issue. Any girl can do that. Any girl can go to a club, grind on a guy, exchange numbers and keep a conversation going days after. Any girl can approach some random guy in the streets who is willing to listen and strike up a conversation in hopes that it will lead to something more. Initiative is one thing…desperation is another. My goal is not to simply find a guy for the sake of finding a guy. Or even for the sake of showing other people that I found a guy. My desire is to meet a man who knows who he is in Christ, and whose walk with God is visible in his character, actions and decisions. My desire is to meet a man who values family, and seeks to lead his family to the cross. My desire is to meet a man who will love his wife like Christ loved the church. My desire is to meet the man who will inevitably become my husband.  I’m not quite sure I will find these attributes randomly.

While I know I won’t meet my husband lying in my bed, binging on Netflix (trust me, I wish I could), I do know that I do not want to find myself in an exhausting, draining search just to find “The One” or …”a one”. I’m not open to meeting my potential husband in a club, but I am open to allowing God to make an introduction for me.


“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”

-Ephesians 3:20


Much love,





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