I doubt myself. A LOT. I have desires, ideas and passions that I am too afraid, and too insecure, to act on because of the doubt that is lurking in the shadows. I can feel it hovering in the dark corners of my mind, patiently waiting to attack. It seems dramatic, but this is actually a thing for me. I’m skilled in doubting myself into an oblivion.
There is that popular saying that some things are not black and white. That there is always an “in between” that could be at play depending on the scenario. Well, I’ve decided that when it comes to doubt, black and white is all there is. It’s either you believe in yourself, what you can do, and what you may accomplish by doing it, or you don’t. It’s as simple as that.
I love photography, but I often talk myself out of exploring it as a real artistic option for me to improve in because I struggle with the doubts that I could ever be great. Although Instagram and YouTube are great teaching tools, they can also be extremely intimidating. And before I can take the time to learn the various functions of my camera, and the complexities of an editing software, my hands are up in surrender, giving in to the doubt.
Today I said “screw you” to the doubt, the fear and the lies that I often hear in my head when I want to try something that challenges me. I connected with a friend from high school and made a plan to meet for a photoshoot with her daughter. I had photographed friends and cousins before, but I would always stop before I could make any real progress in my skills. I knew that the photos from this shoot would not be perfect, but I told myself I would push through all the doubt that I knew would be waiting to attack me. And like clockwork, it did. Constantly. It seemed to creep up with every photo that I took. Nevertheless, I held tight to my Nikon D3300 (with a 50mm lens) and shot past my doubts.
So glad I did.